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March 27, 2009, 3/27/2009

Why do you love to make me feel , that home is just a place I sleep ?

Forget it ... I don't want too try hard .

I just need another place .

& That place , will never be a place called home .

No matter what i do , or how good i did ,

Is never good in your eyes .

Take it as you dont have a daughter called RENGIE .

Because you still have GILLIAN , who is gifted . Who is good at everything !

You still have BENDY who always listens to you & he is the best in your eyes .

RENGIE IS NOTHING .

I have been trying to improve my relationship with you .

But you're always twisting my words !

What else do you want me to do ?

There's nothing i can do !

After so many years , i tried to accept you as my mum .

But i guess , i shall thank you for looking after me for 14years .

I think that i never belong to this family .

Yes , i'm rebelious .

I'M LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU FORCED ME INTO IT !

How i wish i can be carefree , a happy teenager .

I should be enjoying life right now !

Everytime you & daddy fight , out of 10 times , 7times is because of me .

Yah yah , everytime it's my fault .

Are you happy now ?

You dont bother to ask me how am i coping with me school works ,

My cca , my emotions , my feelings .

Perhaps , i'm not important in your eyes .

I know , what you've done is for my own good .

That makes me a good pianist now . I'm contented !

Everytime i get my exam result for both practical & theory ,

I scored MERIT !

& you'll say that's not what you want ..

& When i told you that i wanna stop playing the piano ,

You said that it was good ! You said that i'll fail . You said that you could save it for Gill .

I swear , if you werent my mum , i'd have slapped you .

You said that i'm useless for scoring a damn 187 for PSLE ,

When Gill scored 287 which is 100points more than me !

Okay , i'm fine with it .

What about last year ? When daddy tells you that i'm being transfered to EXP .

You said that it is none of your business .

You wont attend any of my PTC .

You wont sign my exam papers .

YOU JUST DONT SEEMS TO CARE EVERYTHING WHICH IS RELATED TO ME .

Whatever ~ I just take it as i have got no mother .

My dad is always busy . Gillian seldom comes to woodlands .

Now that she's here , im definitely spending more times with her .

Seriously , im just like a mute at home .

Imagine .

What will happen if Gillian had to leave me for whatever reasons ,

WHAT WILL I BECOME ?

He left .

I wonder if we could still become close friends .

It seems to be impossible now .

& How i wish that i could be smiling everyday before i leave ..

I wanna tell him all my problems .

I feel comfortable when telling him my problems .

But , he dont care anymore .