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May 09, 2008, 5/09/2008

Note: If someone slaps you on the right cheek, GIVE THEM A SMASHING
PUNCH ON THEIR LEFT. If you agree, happily read on.

Today, I shall enlighten you with the under-justified teachings, one of... *drumroll

THE ART OF CUTTING QUEUES.
- Brought to you by Gillian :)
A little research done by me too :)

To learn how to cut queues efficiently and proficiently, one must abide by a set of ironclad rules to be able to successfully cut the queue of the fucker who cut your queue. I strongly advise you NOT to use your soon-to-be newfound skill one time too many, because quite frankly the cutting of queues turn people into bastards. Use it only when the bitch in front of you invites 10 of her friends over, or when whoever pisses you off, or when you're facing the back of the teacher you hate most.

Now! Having read that (and if you have not READ IT DAMMIT), thou shalt now be bestowed with nuggets of useful knowledge (not like most of the crap they teach in schools but are never used). Now bow down before me and lick my shoes. :)

Requirements

1. Height

You must be no shorter than 155cm. If you are, get a friend who is 165cm and above. You will see why you need someone tall afterwords.

2. Weight

Because fat people cannot slip through idly through the queue gaps. If you're slim/skinny, rejoice! You can just slip, slip, slip your way to the front.

3. Money

No money no talk. No money, get lost. Best to hold notes in your hands. And I mean the currency notes. No one cares about your love letters.

Once you've fulfilled all of them, good! Now let's move on...

Procedures

1. Get in front

Slip through, then revel in victory as you watch the assholes complain with great dissatisfaction of their current state of affairs. Ignore all unpleasant comments, for who gives a fuck so long as you get your food first.

2. Block

So that they don't cut your lane again. Block out all gaps with your legs and arms to nullify their attempts.

3. Make yourself visible

Laugh like a maniac. Make weird facial expressions. Do jumping jacks. Get the stallholder/s to notice you.

4. Show them the money

Hold your money high up and wave your arm. The stallholders don't care about anything else when they see your money. There can be 3 people in front of you and they wouldn't give a damn.
5. Shout out your order

After catching their attention, order loudly. If they don't hear you, scream that YOU'LL NEVER EVER ORDER FROM THEM AGAIN AND YOU'LL TELL YOUR WHOLE CLASS THEIR NOODLES SUCK BALLS. AND THAT THEIR FISHBALLS ARE HARD, DRY AND UNSUCKABLE. Thus, your job is almost done.

6. Smile :D

Oh, invite 10 of your bitches over to the queue and expect me to wait for 10 WHOLE BOWLS TO BE SERVED IS IT? HUH BITCH? WELL HAHA SMILE SMILE YOU CUT MY QUEUE I CUT YOURS LOR NO PROBLEM YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

p/s Remember to collect your change.